*My lighter, superficial side will always be too quick for the deeper side of me, and that's why it will always win. You can't imagine how often ive already to tried to push this person away, to cripple her, to hide her, because after all she's only half of what is called me. And he has touched my emotions more deepply than anyone else has done before,- except in my dreams....*


* I am so frightened, i am so frightend of the unexpected sunrise finishing of revelations and tears and the excitement finishing.I don't fight it, my love is this fear, i nourish it who can nourish nothing, fear hems me in.
I am concious that these miuntes are short and that the colous in my eyes will vanish when your face sets. *

*It really is a wonder i haven't dropped all my ideals because they seem so absurd so impossible to carry out. Yet i keep them, because in spite of everything i still believe that people are really good at heart.*

In bags, tired, scared and on edge...

undervalued, underated and unloved.


I know i've over stayed my welcome but i cant seem to force myself to go...i hate it... i want tog et out i want to be able to live but i cant break this habit... drves me insane...

How is it life can be so amazing one moment and then totally shit the next. I mean this time lastyear i was the happiest person ever. Loads of friends, college, a show, happy relationship.


Now look at me... Drama school dont want me 18 'Dear Miss Cox we're sory to say' 'unfortuently' 'Unsucsessfull' you know im still going but i dont know why.
I have NO money at ll.. nothing.... what have i done to my friends, me and tommy barely talk i just really am a mess. Not suprised no-one wants me. hrist even my family would rather see the back of me...

Ive lost that feeling of hope... i honestly dont know what to do anymore because i feel totally ad utterly in despair... ive lost what it feels like to be valued, to be loved and overall to be wanted... and the best thing... i cant even cry anymore because i have no emotion... nothing...i just wish someone would come and hold me, tell me everything is ok and kiss my forehead, i want to wake up to a ' you're beautiful text' or a face looking at me.. i just really really really dont want to be on my own anymore... Please.... someone....

A year ago you told me you loved me and missed me.

Now im lucky if i get a ' you look nice '

I lost you months back... i miss that person.