im not doing this anymore...

i can't break a heart... but i have too...
idont want to lose the people i hold close... but i may have to..


i need to grow up and face facts...


I can't do this anymore... it hurts

At least i have you.....

:(

Maybe its just time to face facts... Shit..

Friendship is only a word to you... it has a meaning to me!

I will never be nice to him again ifs gunna act like that!!! rude twat! i offered him and abs a lift home as it was late and you know i didnt want them catching a bus that time and he was so stubborn and stupid! its not like im after anything in return!! i was just trying to be a good friend and yet again it was thrown back in my face.. if he EVER has a go at me again when im only trying to be nice im actually going to slap him so hard!!! im so angry!! and 10 seconds before that i lent him another 2 quid making the total £15 but no emma doesnt mean anything she just lends money and gives lifts she's always there and nice so i can treat her how i want!!! FUCK HIM! im tired of it!!! grrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!


great show tonight though!

HEHEHEHE 42ND STREET IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love him :)



^-^

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAPPPPYYY TIMMESSS

What just happened??

Please....

Constantly seeking aproval and love from that one person who will never show it.... it hurts now...

What is love....
I say i love you...
Am i only saying it.. not feeling it
Do i love him...
But say i love you because he'll never be mine..

im crying, crying tears i thought i'd cried.... they burn ...

Deep in my heart im concealing things i am longing to say...
frightened you'l slip away... you must love me....

I want to give up on myself...im tired of being strong.. why can't i collapse and crumple into a ball why do i always deal with it alone....but why cant the others understand.... and why doesnt he want to hear... i feel like a stuck record...it hurts now.....



Why are you never there when i need you...
Why am i always there to catch you...........

Im torn in two..

I don't know whats going on.. how i feel... im so sad now when today was so good .... i enjoyed today.. why do i feel so bad.. why do i feel the urge to talk to tom or steph... was what i did today wrong... why do i feel so bad now...

I'm going to cry, cry everything out of me every feeling... i don't want to feel anymore... even if that feeling is happiness... i judt don't want to feel....

Happiness is the best feeling in the world!!!

I havent't felt this since him....
I haven't loved since him....
I haven't been touched since him....

Now theres you...
You're the new him...

I have never felt so happy....

I hide behind the smiles
Lock the salty tears behind eyes of glass,
Joke and laugh
So totally together on the outside but so utterly shattered inside
Confusion a familiar friend
Sadness an unwelcome guest you just can't get rid of

I look in the mirror, marsked with eyes of black
Cheeks of pink
Skin a soft matt
lips a touch red

But beneath the mask of perfection and happiness
Eyes large and red
Cheeks drained and white
Skin a rough waterfall
lips a rough red


If you look close the cracks begin to show
The seam about to tear
A fragile soul overcome with emotion..
Battered Bruised and totally alone...

Bring it all backk...

Bring back the good times...
Bring back us..
Bring back last year...
Bring back happiness...
Bring back my best friend...

BRING IT ALL BACK TO YOU! DREAM OF FALLING IN LOVE...

I <3 Delta Goodrem

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimesYou might say a little righteous and too proudI just want to find a way to compromiseCos I believe that we can work things outI thought I had all the answers never giving inBut baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrongAll I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lieHow am I going to be strong without you I need you by my sideIf we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'mlost without youI keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without youI keep trying to face the day I'm lost without youHow am I ever gonna get rid of these bluesBaby I'm so lonely all the timeEverywhere I go I get so confusedYou're the only thing that's on my mindOh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more each dayOnly you can make it right no I'm not too proud to sayAll I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lieHow am I going to be strong without you I need you by my sideIf we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'mlost without youI keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without youI keep trying to face the day I'm lost without youIf I could only hold you now and make the pain just go awayCan't stop the tears from running down my faceOhAll I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lieHow am I going to be strong without you I need you by my sideIf we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'mlost without youI keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without youI keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

As i lay in the still dark, a comforting silence filling my ears, the black cloak of night laying gently over everything, only a few select places spattered with the innocent speck of light from a far off source, i lay and wonder... what tomorrows piercing light will bring,.. the same old routine, faces,places, nothing new a constant chug of a grinding life... the unexpected and unknown is but a distant memory... The shadows of the night come out and dance gayly around my docile room, playing games with my eyes,.. the kind of games that make me feel like im not alone, the games of flase truth and hop.. when i am .. totally alone... even my mind has been swallowed by the gaping cavern of dispair... the dark intensifys and the walls seem to close me in into a tiny box of nothing more than me, the shadows, and my bed.. the only comfort is the stillness of the cloak, like a gentle mothers hand craddling a baby, the only time i can be completly alone... but my stillness is shortlived by the birth of day stealing away my time, like my shadows, i am slowly shrunk to nothing as i blend into the burning light of life...

Spirit....Lexi....

Maybe.. just maybe,.. i should give up on both... or maybe just give up on myself...im tired of being strong.. why can't i collapse and crumple into a ball why do i always deal with it alone....



but why cant the others understand.... and why doesnt
he want to hear... i feel like a stuck record...
it hurts now.....

I can't for love nor money get my head round the inner workings of your mind... what is it this time? am i going to to end up having another fucking break down because you wont fucking talk to me about it! i think im being stupid... well Hattie saw it today. i know we're not bloody joined at the hip but you know a little recognition for EVERY FUCKING THING I DO FOR YOU! i love you really do you're my bestest friend in the whole world... just say that to me once in while... i think its down to them... if i wasn't in this huge mess of tangled webs then i'd shrug it off, but its only because you're the one person keeping me sane throughout it i'd die if i lost you, your like half of my body my person and if you tore free i'd be a broken shell shrivilling up.. i like to think you need me more than i need you.. but i think you'd get over it, forget about that broken pile behind you and find aother person... i know you're getting bored of me now... i just can't bare to admit it... i love you so much your my baby brother and i wantyou to stay in my life forever.... how im gunna keep it that way i ahve no idea,... please dont walk away... please...


You're the air in my lungs
The twinkle in my eye
The spring in my step
The dimple in my smile
My end in friendship...

Why can't i find the one... or did i find him and let him slip through my fingers...

I'm kinda tired now of the games and things that have been going on... i wanna start again.. i wanna be free... free to think ... free to do... why am i shackled to so many people i can't escape from... i want to run, to fly... i want to find you again to soar by your side.. i let you slip through my fingers... now im trapped... crashing into walls every way i turn... bits of me here bits of me there... being told what to think .... what to feel... im tired of being a prize... i want to be alone... alone with my thoughts... alone with me... to breathe a breath of air that it totally my own and no longer stale with the mist of others... i want to break these chains that keep me bound to these souls... i was worried about ripping free, now im not so sure... am i willing to die be suffocated to satisfy the others or do i tear free, patch up the damage best i can and move on... i dont know what to do anymore, someone give me a sign.... i want you back to lift me out, ...


I DONT WANT THIS ANYMORE, I WANT TO GET OF ALL OF YOU THATY BIND ME TO MY EMOTIONS EVEN IF JUST FOR A DAY!!!!!!