Eyes wide shut.

I don't know what it is... i just, i cant ever seem to keep my balances right, i cant seem to keep up with friends, i cant seem to keep my own boyfriend happy, i cant do anything with my life becuase when it comes down it all i am very little, very frightened and hate upset...

I dont know what kind of person i am, i try, and i think im a good person. Here for my friends, i listen i respect i talk.. i love.. but why is it, im terrified of being alone and yet thats all i seem to do at the minute is leave people on their own...

i push i know i do.. i push my luck, i push my attitude , my opinion, i push for answers...

Last night tom came home with me, he was in a weird mood and i thought it was from the night before.. maybe it was, but i cant tell, he doesnt talk to me about how he feels unless its something like i dont want you to do something. Never in a horrible way or way that means i cant just a gentle one but still i just wish he'd open up. I mean its upsetting and hurts me.. last night he didnt even want to touch me, he didnt kiss me when i first saw him, he wouldnt kiss me at the table, and the worst part he didnt even to seem to want to kiss me in bed.. i know i should be understanding but to not know what to be understanding about is hard... was it me? was it him? was it home? was it school? was it another girl? was it a friend? what was it? and even this morning, didnt help we had a huge arguement in the car, well not huge but i got annoyed he got annoyed, i just.. i constantly find myself in tears, im worried about him, i dont want to lose him...

I Love Him....





I just wish i could find my balances...