Im lifted by your darknes...

He says such nice things about me.... is it wrong to like it?

.....

i love talking to rory.... but i worry im upsetting alex....

xxxxxx

hold on tight to your darkened key...little shadow...

Does he actually want to be my friend or am i the one who he knows will take all his crap, catch him, big him up, do i mean anything to him at all?

i know he does deep down, even if i only catch glimpses!!!!

we're eachothers rocks, i know we are....

I cant do this....why cant i it both ways...

He has complete power over me... he mkaes me smile he lifts me up brings me down, knows me.. i like that he mkaes me feel safe... hes broken i can fix him


He mkaes me feel loved... cared for... appreciated... he will neture me... i dont have to do anything to him, he can try figure me out.. i can be less self concious



which one do i have...

im not a trophy girl...

I dont want to be a possesion ive been that for too long... i still am... but they dont know it i just dont want to to be controlled by people trying to get me... im not a trophy... im real ...

i feel a bit like a rag doll at the minute, being tossed around a bit..

Little shadow....to the night will you follow me..?

I'm so confused a goldfish probably knows more what to do than me....

Little Shadow...
or
Little Princess

half of me wants one, the other half wants the other....
but does my heart want something else entirely.... or just something it can't....


Im a dark princess who just wants her prince.... but does her prince want her...

I have the best frined in the world.... sometimes

I had such a lovely day with tommy and he was vunerable and i was there and he noticed it and acknowledged it...kinda... but ive realised i dont care... hes my best friend i should be there, i have so many people to fall on in my life as i love them all and i know they love me but tom has fewer, and it would hurt me more to see him fall so i keep him up, i do love him though, we had a good day, and i hope we have more like this!
:D:D:D

Make up my mind..make up my heart...

Im going out for dinner with Alex tonight.... should i... im so confused on how i feel.... i dont who i like what i like aaggghhhrrrr and i feel like ssuch a bitch to both Alex and Rory .... i possibly did lead them on not knowing whether anything was going to happen... am i a bad person?? i hope not... i always vowed to be everyones friend, make everyone happy, put everyone first... maybe when trying to make everyone happy i didnt realise i was hurting others.... oh now i feel like an awful person.... grrr and i feel so guitly always complaining about Tom... hes my best friend,... if i have a problem with him i should tell him shouldnt i... well why dont i why do i post it on a blog.... where everyone else knows how angry i am at him,.. just not him.... i love him to pieces i really do... and i always put him before me... thats the way its always been, i always put besties first.... i miss him.... :( i havent spoken to him since yesterday.. seen him since saturday... hes my brother... i see my sister everyday.. why not him... maybe this is my problem... im too possesive... oh dear... ugh i should very much stop getting so paranoid... but its like being worrired about him and dealing with situations i create, it stops me thinking about the real issue.... with Alex.... and possibly rory... oh i dont know.... if i could id just have thom back.... that might be more simple for me.... ive been hurt by him before i can handle him ... i dont know if i can handle hurt from anyone else.... but then again im hurting them now.... ohh but like someone said to me recently im scared to take risks, am i scared to take a risk with alex, yes.... i am..... is that most probably my problem. yes it is!!! i find him slightly attractive,... im getting there... slowly.... who knows what might happen... or do i just say no... to avoid hurting the other.... and find someone new.....



Stalight express..expresses my feelings perfectly in a musical theatre song... perfect



It's time to choose between the two of them
I'd better make a startSomeone help me make up my heart
Tell me how to make up my heart
You think two lover would be be twice the fun
It's tearing me apart
Someone help me make up my heart
Tell me how to make up my heart
One of them is strong
One of them is good
But both could turn out wrong
So who gets the part?
Make up my mind, make up my heart
I don't want one to win and one to lose#
Can't tell them yes or no
Choosing one means letting one go
Oh I can't face letting one of them go
You'd think two lovers would be twice the fun
It's tearing me apart
Someone help me make up my heart
One of them has style
Sets the world alight
The other makes me smile so who gets the part?
Make up my mind make up my heart
Make up my mind, please make up my heart
It's time to choose between the two of them
I'd better make a start
Somone help me make up my heart
Tell me how to make up my heart
One can make me laugh
One can make me sigh
Why tear myself in half
So who gets the part
Make up my mind, please make up my heart
Please someone help me make up my heart
Tell me how to make up my heart.


good old pearl....

Oh dear..

I feel like such a bitch... all i do is moan about tom... and i love him lots.. i should bitch about my best friend my little brother...

anyone who reads this...please know i do love my bestie.. i just get frustrated...

Im hitting a brick wall...

Why won't he just open up and tell me things.... im going round in fricking circles now
hes being such a bitch on facebook chat
always finding ways for us not to meet up anymore...
he doesnt tell me things, he'll go and run and tell his precious laura and hayley and tara and abi but not me.... i wanna tell him how i feel and argue my mind of but i cant.. because we'll never make things right and he'll think im being emotional and clingy.... i cant stand it anymore.... what am i gunna do....

Like a wave you've taken me out to sea, now you've gone back in and left me out in the blue...

It was jesus christ superstar this week
it was awesome...
i miss it
aftershow was fun
until..... tom told jess who he liked...
he didnt tell me
why not me.... he doesnt trust me...
then him and hetty were getting all close and holding hands, cuddling, and although i dont like him in that way i felt a prang of jelosy.... like he should care about me.... and i wanted to cry and slap him but i didnt i laughed and talked burning inside.... why didnt he tell me why did i have to find out that way!!!! he says he doesnt like her.. but he does... and jess glenn.... i just wish one day though he'd come up to me hug me and say what i say to him... i love you you're my best friend.... not love as in romantic love as in family love...friendship love;....... i just want him to show me he cares about me... im always there for him.... but when i go to fall on him i get broken.... all i want is a hug.... i dont want him.... i want his friendship... but i guess that cant be forced i suppose... i just wish he'd acknowledge im there for him and he is me.... i love my little tommy.... why cant he love me too.. like a brother should....