10 years on.

A frightened little girl, once broken and small looking for love to fix her, to patch up the cracks and smooth it over. Now a woman, a wife, a homeowner, a company director, manager. And still, standing in front is a small broken little girl, who isnt looking for love to fix her but is just trying to fix herself. Love does not fix you, not the love of others, of a man, of friends, it comes from you. You cant find a love to save you, no one is coming. you are doing this on your own and thats ok, its a fight, I know its tiring and you feel exactly as you did 10 years ago, 11 years, 12 even but keep going Em. Keep going Em Keep going Listen to past you, look at past you, she was screaming for help and you didnt help her... shes broken and shattered 11 years on. Its like shes written how you are now, 11 years ago.... dont lose her. She needs help, she needs looking after, she needs a hug, shes waiting for you, for you to come and get her, pick her up and look after her. That fragile girl is you. As i lay in the still dark, a comforting silence filling my ears, the black cloak of night laying gently over everything, only a few select places spattered with the innocent speck of light from a far off source, i lay and wonder... what tomorrows piercing light will bring,.. the same old routine, faces,places, nothing new a constant chug of a grinding life... the unexpected and unknown is but a distant memory... The shadows of the night come out and dance gayly around my docile room, playing games with my eyes,.. the kind of games that make me feel like im not alone, the games of flase truth and hop.. when i am .. totally alone... even my mind has been swallowed by the gaping cavern of dispair... the dark intensifys and the walls seem to close me in into a tiny box of nothing more than me, the shadows, and my bed.. the only comfort is the stillness of the cloak, like a gentle mothers hand craddling a baby, the only time i can be completly alone... but my stillness is shortlived by the birth of day stealing away my time, like my shadows, i am slowly shrunk to nothing as i blend into the burning light of life... Em no one is coming you have to do this for you, Falling apart is an option but you will have to pick up even more tiny shards, and there will be more and more missing everytime. I dont know whether you'll come back if you fall apart... I know you keep being told you are strong but what if you're not? What if you cant pick yourself up again and thats it. I dont think you have the strength to do that, use that strength you do have to keep yourself together, I know its cracking, I know you are breaking but you cant fall apart. Tell Danny and Rachel about what you thought earlier, just tell them. The empty void will pass you will stop feeling this, I think...