Evertime she comes online just pisses me off.
I don't like her talking to him.
She wants him.
It's just wrong.
I dont like it.

i will tell till im blue in the face
i wish i was half the person he is
i crave his talent and life.

She looks like a child.

Why can't she just FUCK off

Stupid little school girl!

Why can't she just FUCK off

I want to sit in a rainstorm
Drench me
Cry out everything in me wash away fears doubts
clean me up fresh
to pour over me
not a shower
cold rain
that makes your hairs prickle
makes you shiver
i dont want to know the difference between tears and rain

then i want him to come and cuddle me
warm and soft kiss my head.

I'll take her on
Look at her
Little Girl
Scared
What does she have against me
I'll crush her
I'm a woman
Mature, Adult Woman
Although .. if i'm looking in a mirror why is that little scared girl starring back at me?

Someone save me..

No-one ever wants Emma Claire Cox

I feel like a complete burden.
I do honest to god, i feel like im a chore that everyone has to deal with. no-one wants to but they put up with it.

It's always like this, picked up thrown around, don't know wether im here or there.
I'm only a single use no-one needs pathetic Emma,

Thats all im ever going to be. Pathetic Emma, who falls hard but scrapes little pieces back together to help the next one.

My own body's getting sick of me so what does that say..


Drama School - joke i don't know why im bothering, entertainment value for them i guess

college - joke its changed i only went back to fill a year

Me - Joke dont even know why im here sometimes.

i'm craving his lips. I'm craving his kiss


I need a kiss

Am i push over...?
I keep getting told i am..
Dont mean to be..
i can't see it..

Eyes wide shut.

I don't know what it is... i just, i cant ever seem to keep my balances right, i cant seem to keep up with friends, i cant seem to keep my own boyfriend happy, i cant do anything with my life becuase when it comes down it all i am very little, very frightened and hate upset...

I dont know what kind of person i am, i try, and i think im a good person. Here for my friends, i listen i respect i talk.. i love.. but why is it, im terrified of being alone and yet thats all i seem to do at the minute is leave people on their own...

i push i know i do.. i push my luck, i push my attitude , my opinion, i push for answers...

Last night tom came home with me, he was in a weird mood and i thought it was from the night before.. maybe it was, but i cant tell, he doesnt talk to me about how he feels unless its something like i dont want you to do something. Never in a horrible way or way that means i cant just a gentle one but still i just wish he'd open up. I mean its upsetting and hurts me.. last night he didnt even want to touch me, he didnt kiss me when i first saw him, he wouldnt kiss me at the table, and the worst part he didnt even to seem to want to kiss me in bed.. i know i should be understanding but to not know what to be understanding about is hard... was it me? was it him? was it home? was it school? was it another girl? was it a friend? what was it? and even this morning, didnt help we had a huge arguement in the car, well not huge but i got annoyed he got annoyed, i just.. i constantly find myself in tears, im worried about him, i dont want to lose him...

I Love Him....





I just wish i could find my balances...

I am currently very happy :)


I have a gorgeous Boyfriend
Got the equivilant of 3 A's at A level in my BTEC with DDD
I have an awesome best friend.
I'm going on holidays with my Gorgeous amazing Tomas
And with my bubba bro Tommy :)
It's hot
I'm young
Lets get drunk in the summer sun!

You know that feeling..

I don't know how i feel, im really mixed up. I'm all emotional and upset. I think it's because of college ending. The show ending. People moving away, i don't know its just odd im happy i know that, i have Tom and i love him but i feel im upsetting him a bit... i need some time away i wanna go away with him. I wanna slow down for a day, do nothing with my gorgeous boy. I'm also upset about Tommy and the ball, i wanted to go with him now he's going with Charlotte Laura and Kerri as well as me and i wont have it i need to cry. I need tom... i hate telling him how much i need him it mkaes me feel clingy as and i'm worried he's going to get scared... i wanna be able to talk to him though and for me to get upset sometimes.... i want him to hold me and let me cry but i'm scared im going to upset him. I just need to have summer noww.


I Love Tomas.


xxxxxxxxxxx

You know that feeling..

I don't know how i feel, im really mixed up. I'm all emotional and upset. I think it's because of college ending. The show ending. People moving away, i don't know its just odd im happy i know that, i have Tom and i love him but i feel im upsetting him a bit... i need some time away i wanna go away with him. I wanna slow down for a day, do nothing with my gorgeous boy. I'm also upset about Tommy and the ball, i wanted to go with him now he's going with Charlotte Laura and Kerri as well as me and i wont have it i need to cry. I need tom... i hate telling him how much i need him it mkaes me feel clingy as and i'm worried he's going to get scared... i wanna be able to talk to him though and for me to get upset sometimes.... i want him to hold me and let me cry but i'm scared im going to upset him. I just need to have summer noww.


I Love Tomas.


xxxxxxxxxxx

Just Once in a Lifetime

2 weeks its come down too... 2 weeks... i was welling up today in rehearsal.. its so funny i read through my blog from day one and look through all the posts all thpse memories of college and my life since being there... its weird how things change.

I dont know how i feel at the mo i lke the stress of show week keeps me going.. but still, something is bugging me.. not Tommy i dont think, he nearl made me cry kept squeezing my hand when he got a bit emotional :'(

I think Tom's ok.. he says he is but im worried about him, worried that i've done soemthing to upset him, or maybe he's done something and he's not telling mel i don't know i just wish he'd open up somtimes... i love him, i do. Funny thing Love.. hmm..

Anyway im a bit mixed up i guess feel a bit detatched from things..


Dont want to leave College.
My friends
My family
My Life.



At least i have Tom.

<3

anyway dress tomrorrow in at 8! YAY!

haha

xxxx

I Love Tomas David Wolstenholme <3 ......

Ok... enough

Ok i put up with it,

He's not a normal boy.. so i accept it but why is your boyfriend can't make the ball so you ask your best friend.. he says yes.. he then agrees to buy Laura a ticket and now she thinks they're going together so they are as he doesnt want to tell her no.

FUCKING SICK OF IT


i want to be put first... i wouldnt have minded if shes had asked first but she didnt i did and he said yes i want to go to my last ball with my best friend.... but no its not allowed... as usuaul Emma's been sidetracked by Laura fucking Chaitow....

Look at me.

Monster
Hideous
Creature
Blob
Huge
Repelling



When does this ugly duckling get to become a swan....

Look at me.

Monster
Hideous
Creature
Blob
Huge
Repelling



When does this ugly duckling get to become a swan....

Meh...

such a busy week.. so many things to do.

Devised
Concert
FMP
See Friends
MYCO
Ox Op
Work

Why is it i always manage to completely fuck up everything... huh? i seem to push away everyone i hold close and just breakdown, then i spend months re building my life and for what... for me to ruin it all over again... i dont spend any time with my friends.... i just sleep when i can... and just muddle on through on my own...

i feel so alone.
I know i have people but i still feel so alone
i want everything to be right

I WANT FRANNIE TO FUCK OUT MY PERSONAL LIFE!

i want to rewind and fix everything... but i cant and i have to keep going

head up carry on.. but im cracking breaking i cant hold on much longer i dont know what im going to do..

Maybe its true...

Maybe what people tell me is right... maybe im just not listening,... maybe i am a bad person... i mean Tommy's said it, Rory said it.. and even my own mother.... i dont know how to keep my friends my friends... i just want everyone im friends with to know that but i dont know how... i have no time.... i need to find time!

ugh i just wanna hide awy for a year... go away and never come back..

Help ......


I don't want this again..

I wish just for a day.. everyone was happy... i wish Rory could just forget about me, get over me, i wish tom could forget about Rory and be happy with me, ....

I want to be good enough for drama school and for everyone else.. and for me.

I want to be noticed, to do something to make me proud.
I want to grow up..

But i want never gets....

i am totally and utterly lost... i dont know what to do with my life. There isnt someone planning it out for me.. i have to choose and i dont know what....


Help me

Spirit....



i cared i still care...

it was never meant to end like this and my heart is bleeding too... i needed a change and now i think ive chosen wrong but its too fucked up to change....



im a foolish little fucked up girl
x

It's over.. i miss him i love him...