i'm craving his lips. I'm craving his kiss


I need a kiss

Am i push over...?
I keep getting told i am..
Dont mean to be..
i can't see it..

Eyes wide shut.

I don't know what it is... i just, i cant ever seem to keep my balances right, i cant seem to keep up with friends, i cant seem to keep my own boyfriend happy, i cant do anything with my life becuase when it comes down it all i am very little, very frightened and hate upset...

I dont know what kind of person i am, i try, and i think im a good person. Here for my friends, i listen i respect i talk.. i love.. but why is it, im terrified of being alone and yet thats all i seem to do at the minute is leave people on their own...

i push i know i do.. i push my luck, i push my attitude , my opinion, i push for answers...

Last night tom came home with me, he was in a weird mood and i thought it was from the night before.. maybe it was, but i cant tell, he doesnt talk to me about how he feels unless its something like i dont want you to do something. Never in a horrible way or way that means i cant just a gentle one but still i just wish he'd open up. I mean its upsetting and hurts me.. last night he didnt even want to touch me, he didnt kiss me when i first saw him, he wouldnt kiss me at the table, and the worst part he didnt even to seem to want to kiss me in bed.. i know i should be understanding but to not know what to be understanding about is hard... was it me? was it him? was it home? was it school? was it another girl? was it a friend? what was it? and even this morning, didnt help we had a huge arguement in the car, well not huge but i got annoyed he got annoyed, i just.. i constantly find myself in tears, im worried about him, i dont want to lose him...

I Love Him....





I just wish i could find my balances...

I am currently very happy :)


I have a gorgeous Boyfriend
Got the equivilant of 3 A's at A level in my BTEC with DDD
I have an awesome best friend.
I'm going on holidays with my Gorgeous amazing Tomas
And with my bubba bro Tommy :)
It's hot
I'm young
Lets get drunk in the summer sun!

You know that feeling..

I don't know how i feel, im really mixed up. I'm all emotional and upset. I think it's because of college ending. The show ending. People moving away, i don't know its just odd im happy i know that, i have Tom and i love him but i feel im upsetting him a bit... i need some time away i wanna go away with him. I wanna slow down for a day, do nothing with my gorgeous boy. I'm also upset about Tommy and the ball, i wanted to go with him now he's going with Charlotte Laura and Kerri as well as me and i wont have it i need to cry. I need tom... i hate telling him how much i need him it mkaes me feel clingy as and i'm worried he's going to get scared... i wanna be able to talk to him though and for me to get upset sometimes.... i want him to hold me and let me cry but i'm scared im going to upset him. I just need to have summer noww.


I Love Tomas.


xxxxxxxxxxx

You know that feeling..

I don't know how i feel, im really mixed up. I'm all emotional and upset. I think it's because of college ending. The show ending. People moving away, i don't know its just odd im happy i know that, i have Tom and i love him but i feel im upsetting him a bit... i need some time away i wanna go away with him. I wanna slow down for a day, do nothing with my gorgeous boy. I'm also upset about Tommy and the ball, i wanted to go with him now he's going with Charlotte Laura and Kerri as well as me and i wont have it i need to cry. I need tom... i hate telling him how much i need him it mkaes me feel clingy as and i'm worried he's going to get scared... i wanna be able to talk to him though and for me to get upset sometimes.... i want him to hold me and let me cry but i'm scared im going to upset him. I just need to have summer noww.


I Love Tomas.


xxxxxxxxxxx

Just Once in a Lifetime

2 weeks its come down too... 2 weeks... i was welling up today in rehearsal.. its so funny i read through my blog from day one and look through all the posts all thpse memories of college and my life since being there... its weird how things change.

I dont know how i feel at the mo i lke the stress of show week keeps me going.. but still, something is bugging me.. not Tommy i dont think, he nearl made me cry kept squeezing my hand when he got a bit emotional :'(

I think Tom's ok.. he says he is but im worried about him, worried that i've done soemthing to upset him, or maybe he's done something and he's not telling mel i don't know i just wish he'd open up somtimes... i love him, i do. Funny thing Love.. hmm..

Anyway im a bit mixed up i guess feel a bit detatched from things..


Dont want to leave College.
My friends
My family
My Life.



At least i have Tom.

<3

anyway dress tomrorrow in at 8! YAY!

haha

xxxx