Im going out for dinner with Alex tonight.... should i... im so confused on how i feel.... i dont who i like what i like aaggghhhrrrr and i feel like ssuch a bitch to both Alex and Rory .... i possibly did lead them on not knowing whether anything was going to happen... am i a bad person?? i hope not... i always vowed to be everyones friend, make everyone happy, put everyone first... maybe when trying to make everyone happy i didnt realise i was hurting others.... oh now i feel like an awful person.... grrr and i feel so guitly always complaining about Tom... hes my best friend,... if i have a problem with him i should tell him shouldnt i... well why dont i why do i post it on a blog.... where everyone else knows how angry i am at him,.. just not him.... i love him to pieces i really do... and i always put him before me... thats the way its always been, i always put besties first.... i miss him.... :( i havent spoken to him since yesterday.. seen him since saturday... hes my brother... i see my sister everyday.. why not him... maybe this is my problem... im too possesive... oh dear... ugh i should very much stop getting so paranoid... but its like being worrired about him and dealing with situations i create, it stops me thinking about the real issue.... with Alex.... and possibly rory... oh i dont know.... if i could id just have thom back.... that might be more simple for me.... ive been hurt by him before i can handle him ... i dont know if i can handle hurt from anyone else.... but then again im hurting them now.... ohh but like someone said to me recently im scared to take risks, am i scared to take a risk with alex, yes.... i am..... is that most probably my problem. yes it is!!! i find him slightly attractive,... im getting there... slowly.... who knows what might happen... or do i just say no... to avoid hurting the other.... and find someone new.....
Stalight express..expresses my feelings perfectly in a musical theatre song... perfect
It's time to choose between the two of them
I'd better make a startSomeone help me make up my heart
Tell me how to make up my heart
You think two lover would be be twice the fun
It's tearing me apart
Someone help me make up my heart
Tell me how to make up my heart
One of them is strong
One of them is good
But both could turn out wrong
So who gets the part?
Make up my mind, make up my heart
I don't want one to win and one to lose#
Can't tell them yes or no
Choosing one means letting one go
Oh I can't face letting one of them go
You'd think two lovers would be twice the fun
It's tearing me apart
Someone help me make up my heart
One of them has style
Sets the world alight
The other makes me smile so who gets the part?
Make up my mind make up my heart
Make up my mind, please make up my heart
It's time to choose between the two of them
I'd better make a start
Somone help me make up my heart
Tell me how to make up my heart
One can make me laugh
One can make me sigh
Why tear myself in half
So who gets the part
Make up my mind, please make up my heart
Please someone help me make up my heart
Tell me how to make up my heart.
good old pearl....
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The problem with you Emmakins is that you care too much. :) You always put others first, before yourself, because you're just not selfish. You like seeing others happy because it makes you happy. The problem with doing this is you forget about your own feelings. You could make the rest of the world happy and give them everything they want, but then forget about yourself and you're left with nothing.
ReplyDeleteYou do things without realising, like this whole apparent "you leading Rory and Alex on". You don't mean to, but you do it subconsciously because you're trying not to hurt them in the first place, then it just goes tits up and you seem to be at fault. You're not at fault. Your intention was right in the first place.
It's the same with the Tom thing. You tell the rest of the world how you truely feel because they're not Tom. You don't tell him because you're afraid of hurting him, because you love him so much and you don't want to lose him.
You've done nothing wrong, but I really want you to take my advice and not let people walk over you and take you for granted, especially Tom, because at the end of the day, the only person you're hurting is yourself, and no one wants that. One day, you'll just snap without realising. You need to put your foot down and tell people they can't treat you like shit all the time. You're not God. You can't be the one making the effort and not get it back, and then expect to be okay.
If Tom's hurting you babe, you need to talk to him, otherwise things won't ever get solved and he'll begin to think he can get away with treating you like this. & if he's going to spazz about it, then he's not a real friend.
You need real friends in your life. Not douchebag ones.
I'm saying all this from past experience too. I'm passing down the help. ;)
Just remember baby, you deserve to be happy just as much as everyone else...
I love you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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ReplyDeleteI agree with Zoe 100%
ReplyDeleteYou are to nice and you need to put yourself 1st for once.
I love you with all my heart Em and I hate seeing you like this ...
If you need to talk I am always here and I will ring you later because I would rather talk to you on the phone then here babes.
Just remember I love you <3
!X!X!